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Even If It Kills Me (10th Anniversary Edition)

by Motion City Soundtrack

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1.
Last night I fell in love without you. I waved goodbye to that heart of mine beating solo on your lawn Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise. In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” & only time will tell if violins will swell. In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” We used to call it: “love.” Last night I fell in love without you. The coup de grace that set me off would have made for decent fiction Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise. In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” & only time will tell if violins will swell. In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” We used to call it: Last night I fell in love without you. The stars at night aren’t as big & bright as you make Them out to be & every aching wound will cauterize and bruise In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” & Only time will tell if violins will swell In memory of what we used to call, “in love.” In memory of when we used to call it: “love.”
2.
I’ve got emotion. Dripping out my pours & I thought I would let you know You are the nightlight. Ripping through my wicked world How you make it sparkle & glow Before I lose control. There’s just one thing you should know This is for real. This time I mean it. I’m coming clean. Please don’t let go I said from the start. That you could take it or leave it. I’d prefer that you keep it. Don’t let go. Don’t let go. Don’t let go I had some nightmares. Clawing at my skin & bones. I nearly did explode You smoked the demons. Gave me back my feelings. Now I am good to go Before my face hits the floor. There’s just one thing you should know This is for real. This time I mean it. I’m coming clean. Please don’t let go I said from the start. That you could take it or leave it I’d prefer that you keep it. Don’t let go This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real For a physical challenge. I’m notoriously bored. Intravenous delivery Electrolytes & more. Every time it’s the same routine. Out with the bad In with the clean. Before I lose all motor skills There’s one thing you should know This is for real. This time I mean it. I’m coming clean. Please don’t let go I said from the start. That you could take it or leave it I’d prefer that you keep it. Don’t let go This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real This is the best thing that i’ve ever had for real
3.
I get lost, messed up & bored when i’m alone too long. I can’t sleep, function or eat when i’m not with someone Late last fall she ended it all & moved to who knows where? Just like that she vanished & packed & never even called Do you feel a certain sense of synergy between yourself and me? A kind of macabre & somber wondertwin type of harmony? What if it was you? You that I needed all along? I felt like a fool Kicking & screaming yet pretending we were wrong Let’s get wrecked on pop-tarts & sex & see the taj mahal Let’s save birds from prince william sound & skateboard through the mall Let’s fight crime with mangos & limes & join the pga Let’s win big with every spin, but hurry… I can’t wait Do you spend a fortune on those late night pre-paid television scams? In search of the perfect blender, steak knife and non-stick frying pan? What if it was you? You that I needed all along? I felt like a fool Thinking we were completely wrong It seemed like a dream. One beautiful scream. That echoed forever & made us not afraid to feel a thing & after it ends. We’ll try to be friends They say that what doesn’t kill us makes us who we are All this time & everything’s changed but I still feel the same All good things eventually end & get washed down the drain What a disaster it would be if you discovered that I cared A little too much for friends but not enough to share What if it was you? You that I needed all along? I felt like a fool Now that i’m sure that I was wrong It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you I knew it was you
4.
Last Night 03:17
I’m still frustrated from last night. Things happened in half time. I’m sick of the bends My panic research was no help. I sink into myself. Afraid of the fall that never ends I wait but i’m too tired to play pretend. I’ll suffocate until the end No time for half-hearted goodbyes. I turn on the spotlight & flee from the scene Cheap flights from paris to bangkok. I thought it was non-stop. Can’t sleep on the klm again I haunt the halls of medicine at night. Choking back the urge to fight Her cat was clawing the floorboards. Just outside of our door. The panic begins I searched the whole damn apartment. From ceiling to carpet No sign of the things she used to own. As autumn turns it’s back on me again I climb the walls for oxygen My body aches. It heaves, it shakes. All somersaults through so-called art & I still don’t know exactly who I am. I never will. Amen She whispers something in my ear. The message is unclear. She motions outside I trail her closely from behind. She tries hard not to cry She shakes underneath the pouring rain “i can’t compete with all your damn ideas. This isn’t working out for you or me. The truth is i’m too tired to play pretend. This is goodbye, this is the end.”
5.
Calling all cops & autobots I hope that you're still there Saving victims from the wreckage of our wild affairs, such wild affairs Copy all cats & acrobats I know you don't play fair Slinging sickness through the atmosphere without a care, without a care Drowning all dolls in concert halls the curtain hits the cast They parade like perfect ponies but it never lasts, it never lasts Sever all ties to satellites that broadcast worthless words You're extrapolating nonsense & it really hurts, it really hurts When I'm awake I make the same mistakes they make When I'm awake I can't escape When I'm awake I make the same mistakes they make & everything just falls apart Calling all cops & autobots I hope that you're still there Saving victims from the wreckage of our wild affairs, such wild affairs Suffer all teens on dramamine the coast is not yet clear Every continent has chaos & we need you here, we need you here When I'm awake I make the same mistakes they make When I'm awake I can't escape When I'm awake I make the same mistakes they make & everything just falls apart Calling all cops & autobots & everything just falls apart Calling all cops & cosmonauts & everything just falls apart Calling all cops & autobots & everything just falls apart & everything just falls apart
6.
Why can’t you finish what you’ve started? Why can’t you try and understand? It doesn’t make a bit Of difference If you start what you can’t finish. Every story needs an ending after all I think i’ve known it for a long time. Suffice to say it’s been a while. You’re too afraid to Face the outcome: Quite likely you’re a failure It’s a shitty thing to say, but hey man, the clock is ticking I thought of all the things i’d like to say. Cramped up & couldn’t write a word all day I just waited for my world to fall apart. That’s why i’ll never finish anything I start What fuels the magic in the meantime? I know it’s hard without a vice You need to find a new solution. Adaptation or retribution If you truly do believe in something, somehow it all works out I thought of all the things i’d like to say Cramped up & couldn’t write a word all day I just waited for my world to fall apart That’s why i’ll never finish anything I start I’m completely bored. With every single word. Nothing ever works & this juvenile search is systematically revealing to me That I need a new approach I thought of all the things i’d like to say Cramped up & couldn’t write a word all day I just waited for my world to fall apart That’s why i’ll never finish anything i… …i’m so sick of all the things I try to say Cramped up & couldn’t write a word all day I just waited for my world to fall apart That’s why i’ll never finish anything i…
7.
You remember how we met? Silhouetted by the lights? You were drunk & tried to take a mental picture with your hands I was thinking about that & a bunch of other things. Stop looking at the floor I need to pour out this expansive dose of words I can’t explain. I need to be alone I know the timing isn’t great. These things you just can’t plan I just need a little time so I can find myself again ‘cause I get buried underneath all the things they think you are & i’m too tired to pretend it doesn’t hurt to be left out I had a pocketful of dreams but I gave them all to you Now I think I want ‘em back. So can you tell me if i’m crazy or confused? Don’t ever change. The way you are. I’ve never loved anyone more
8.
Broken Heart 03:01
I’ll start this broken heart. I’ll fix it up so it will work again. Better than before Then i’ll star in a mystery. A tragic tale of all that’s yet to come With fingers crossed there will be love But I get carried away. With every day & every fantasy. The deeper the wound The harder I swoon & wish that that was me. With so much to say But no words to convey. The loneliness building with each passing day But i’m getting used to it. You have to get used to it I’ll devise the best disguise. A brand new look & take them by surprise They’ll never guess what’s not inside I’ll express myself with ease. With confidence & character complete With fingers crossed they’ll talk to me But I get carried away. With every page in every magazine The cheaper the thrill. The deeper I fill my head with blasphemy With so much to say but no words to convey The loneliness building with each passing day But i’m getting used to it. You have to get used to it. So get used to it I’ll destroy this useless heart. I’ll fuck it up so it’ll never beat again Not just for me but for anyone But I get carried away. With every phrase & made up malady. The longer I hide . Behind these lies The more I disintegrate. With so much to say But no words to convey. The loneliness building with each passing day You never get used to it You just have to live with it
9.
Hello helicopter are you here to stay? Bodies, rest & motion fighting night & day Well, it’s kill or be killed & one day we’ll get the best of them Hello helicopter will you be my friend? Will you take me away? Hello helicopter have you heard the news? No one gives a shit about the things they do We all waste & consume, destroy & ruin everything we touch It’s easy not to think when you’re not told that much I’m not saying anything you haven’t heard before I’m just trying to understand the way we are Hello helicopter are you lost out there? Swimming through the garbage dump that fills the air In several years no one will care, they’ll be rich & dead. So let somebody else devise a cure for it I’m not saying anything you haven’t heard before I’m just trying to understand the way we are Nobody seems to care Nobody ever learns Hello helicopter are you here to stay? Bodies, rest & motion fighting night & day Well, it’s kill or be killed & one day we’ll get the best of them Hello helicopter are you listening? Nobody seems to care Nobody ever learns Are we ever gonna get it right? Are we ever gonna start making sense & stop pretending that we care? Are we ever gonna get it right? Are we ever gonna start making sense & stop pretending that we care? Are we ever gonna get it right? Are we ever gonna start making sense & stop pretending? Hello helicopter are you here to stay? Bodies, rest & motion fighting night & day Well, it’s kill or be killed & one day we’ll get the best of them Hello helicopter are you listening?
10.
Hello there, how you doin’? I’ve got all these thoughts just floating through my brain They bump & they collide & cause a flurry of confusion & it’s getting on my nerves I try to hold myself together, fighting off this mental weather when I can (sometimes I do) But this shitstorm’s never ending & the atmospheric pressure’s calling for rain This is what i’ve got going on This is where I belong tonight It’s chaos in the courthouse & the left side’s all upset because the right side Wants a summer home & knows we can’t afford it I try to meditate between this constant tug-o-war machine but wind up in a never Ending game of telephone There’s so much going on & I just need 7 minutes to calm myself back down Now I forgot where I was Was it me we were talking about? This is what i’ve feared from the start I keep falling apart What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? I can’t stand the thought of losing sentences & every island of words I can’t stand the thought of losing everything I ever thought that I knew This is where I run out of words. That describe how i’m so damn hurt This is where I fumble & fold & take what i’m told What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? What’s goin’ on? Is this where I belong tonight? I can’t stand the thought of losing sentences & every island of words I can’t stand the thought of losing everything I ever thought that I knew
11.
Are you listening javelina? Every corner of the coast is still clear All dressed up with some medicine for luck. How I hope that you’re still here when I return Burning bridges is a form of suicide. I saw the fires as the ghost of my life Passed me by & there is nowhere you can hide. From the lessons or the lies that bind them I’m so tired. I’ve had enough If there’s one thing i’ve learned, you’ll always get burned But you’ll never give it up Can we count on our conversations. To restore us like energon cubes? Made one wish for a permanent kiss That would echo through these bones like arsenic I can figure out the point of anything. Just not as quick as I can mess up my life With all my dreams hooked to hospital machines I think, “let’s try redefining beautiful.” I’m so tired. I’ve had enough If there’s one thing i’ve learned, you’ll always get burned But you’ll never give it up This is the best that it will get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, give it up, give it up! This is the best that it will get. Yeah, yeah, give it up! I can figure out the point of anything I can figure out the point of anything I can figure out the point of anything I can figure out the point of anything I can figure out the point of anything I can figure out the point of it! I’m so tired. I’ve had enough If there’s one thing i’ve learned, you’ll always get burned But you’ll never give it up I’m so tired. I’ve had enough If there’s one thing i’ve learned, you’ll always get burned But you’ll never give it up
12.
Antonia 03:16
She makes a lot of abstract art She haggles for the cheapest price She never orders take-out food before 10 o’clock at night She’s really into snowmobiles She owns a lot of nice flashlights She cares for all the stupid cats that never found their way home She shaves her legs with ginsu knives She quotes a lot of annie hall She misplaced her virginity back in 1995 She’s what’s keeping me alive She’s the pizza of my eye Without her near me I would not survive It gets cold when she’s not around I float until I sink & i’m swallowed up It’s so cold when she’s not around I wait for her to come home & tell me i’ll be fine She’s always eating captain crunch She sings a lot of ben folds five She’s scared to death of cobra snakes just like indiana jones She tells the dumbest knock-knock jokes She drinks a lot of chardonnay She hates the way I comb my hair But she married me last june She was the bride I was the groom I cried a lot and then we spooned Without her in my life I would be doomed It gets cold when she’s not around I float until I sink & i’m swallowed up It’s so cold when she’s not around I wait for her to come home & tell me i’ll be fine Tell me i’ll be fine She loves the smell of christmas trees She sneezes when she sees bright lights She fainted on the kitchen floor When her father passed away Our baby girl is due this may & when the little lady grows up I hope that she will be just like her mother
13.
I’ve got a lot of things to do tonight I’m so sick of making lists of things i’ll never finish I’ve lived here for the last twelve years Since early 1995 all my shit has been in boxes But if I had a little more time to kill I’d settle every little stupid thing Yeah, you’d think that I would But i’m too tired to go to sleep tonight & i’m too weak to follow dreams tonight For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try To get better & overcome each moment In my own way I wonder if i’ll ever lose my mind I tried hard for a while but then I kind of gave up Winter is a killer when the sun goes down I’m really not as stubborn as I seem Said the knuckle to the concrete But i’m too tired to go to sleep tonight & i’m too weak to follow dreams tonight For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try To get better & overcome each moment In my own way I’m not saying that i’ve given up I’m just trying not to think as much as I used to ‘cause never is a lonely little messed up word Maybe i’ll get it right someday For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try I feel helpless for the most part but i’m learning to open my eyes & the sad truth of the matter is i’ll never get over it but i’m gonna try To get better & overcome each moment In my own way I so want to get back on track & i’ll do whatever it takes Even if it kills me
14.
I'm not asking you to leave I'm just begging you to let me get some sleep I've lied awake for far too long I get so sick and tired of witnessing the dawn As summer hangs on the horizon Desire jumps the fence and hightails to the sea A subtle tale turns into nightmares Without the sentence structure Nothing functions, no one has a clue If it's me or if it's you Was it me or was it you? I'm not asking you to leave I'm just begging you to let me get some sleep I've lied awake for far too long I get so sick and tired of witnessing the dawn As winter strangles at the shoreline Division locks the door and confiscates the key All freezerburn and Arctic research The time has passed for parting glances, There's no romance, there's no sign Of the things that used to be And all those things you promised me I'm not asking you to leave I'm just begging you to let me get some sleep I've lied awake for far too long I get so sick and tired of witnessing the dawn From nervous hands to nervous nightmares I often wake and find... We're not alone, just lonely all of the time We're not alone, just lonely all of the time We're not alone, just lonely all of the time We're not alone, just lonely all of the time I'm not asking you to leave I'm just begging you to let me get some sleep I've lied awake for far too long I get so sick and tired of witnessing the dawn I'm not asking you to leave (I'm not asking you to leave) I'm not asking you to leave (I'm not asking you to leave) I'm not asking you to leave (I'm not asking you to leave) I'm just begging you to let me get some sleep.
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about

The 10th Anniversary Edition of Motion City Soundtrack's Even If It Kills Me includes new artwork, the original 2007 album, 5 song acoustic EP, Japanese bonus track, and 8 unreleased live tracks & demos.

credits

released December 8, 2017

Joshua Cain - Guitars, Backing Vocals
Jesse Johnson - Moog, Keyboards, Glockenspiel, Backing Vocals
Justin Pierre - Lead Vocals, Guitars, Keyboards
Matt Taylor - Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals, Keyboards, Piano
Tony Thaxton - Drums, Percussion, Backing Vocals

Tracks A1, A3, A6, B2, B3 - B5 Produced by Adam Schlesinger and Eli Janney
Engineered by Geoff Sanoff
Additional Engineering by John Holbrook,
Rudyard Lee Cullers, and Arjun Agerwala.
Recorded At Stratosphere Sound, New York, NY

Tracks A2, A4, A5, B1, B6 Produced by Ric Ocasek
Engineered by Chris Shaw
Assistant Engineered by Dror Mohar and Michael Trepagnier
Recorded At Electric Lady And Looking Glass Studio, New York, NY

Additional Engineering On Track A5 by Chuck Gladfelter at EQHQ, Chicago, IL
Mixed by Tom Lord-alge at South Beach Studios, Miami FL
Assistant Engineered by Femio Hernandez

Track A7 Produced by Motion City Soundtrack
Engineered by Geoff Sanoff And Arjun Agerwala
Recorded at Stratosphere Sound, New York, Ny
Mixed by Chris Shaw at Avatar Studios, New York, Ny

Mastered by Tom Baker at
Precision Mastering, Los Angeles, Ca

Additional Vocals on “Hello Helicopter” by
Rachel Minton, Max Bemis And Shawn Harris
Additional Vocals on “Point Of Extinction” by
Rachel Minton, Max Bemis And Shawn Harris
Additional Vocals on “It Had To Be You” by Rachel Minton
Piano on “It Had To Be You” by Adam Schlesinger
Additional Keyboards on “Calling All Cops” by Ric Ocasek
Strings on “Hello Helicopter” Arranged by Eli Janney

Max Bemis Appears Courtesy of Doghouse / J Records
Shawn Harris Appears Courtesy of Epitaph
Rachel Minton Appears Courtesy of Zolof The Rock And Roll Destroyer

All Songs Written by Motion City Soundtrack
All Songs Published by
Hooray Let’s Fight! (ascap) / Chrysalis Music Publishing

Acoustic Credits:
Recorded at Flowers Studios in Uptown Minneapolis, Minnesota
Engineered by Ed Ackerson
Assistant Engineered by Peter Anderson
All songs written and arranged by Motion City Soundtrack
Violin on “Fell In Love Without You” by Kieren Smith
Backup vocals on ‘Broken Heart’ by Korin Louise Visocchi
Justin Pierre - Vocals, Guitars, Keyboards, Spinning Toys, Hands
Joshua Cain - Guitars, Hands
Tony Thaxton - Percussion, Hands
Matthew Taylor - Bass, Vocals, Keyboards, Piano, Hands
Jesse Johnson - Hands, Internet

Live Songs:
Recorded by Matt Wilson
Mixed by Marc McClusky

Management:
Josh Newman For Sweaterweather

Booking by Ron Opaleski For The William Morris Agency
Legal Representation by Richard Grabel For
Davis Shapiro Lewit & Hayes Llp
Business Management by Andrew Britton for
PS Business Management

Illustrations by Ciara Cagemo TheGirlWhoRanWithWolves.carbonmade.com
Layout by Jason Link

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